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How Do You Know When Divorce Is The Right Thing To Do?

How Do You Know When Divorce Is The Right Thing To Do?

After practicing family law for 25 years, I have now seen every possible reason why spouses divorce. Some of the reasons are trivial and frivolous. But many of the reasons why spouses choose to divorce are indeed valid.  

5 signs you may be best served filing for a divorce

Here are the top 5 reasons why you should consider divorce.

1. You are chronically unhappy.

Even in moments that should be considered happy, you are not happy. Friends have told you look sad. Events that should otherwise make you happy, don’t. Worse than all of this, your spouse does not even notice that you are unhappy. 

But how do you know that this is connected to your marriage versus to your own personal challenges? That could only be answered by you. In some cases, therapy can help you uncover the source of your unhappiness.

2. Your spouse is not your best friend.

Marriage is not just an institution, but it is also the one closest and most intimate partnership that two people can have. If the marriage is a healthy and happy one, the two spouses are each other’s best friend. But if your best friend is someone other than your spouse, this can be a signal that there is something deficient in the marriage. 

If your most intimate feelings, your most troubling fears or your most amazing aspirations are being shared with someone other than your spouse, there could be a void in your marriage. 

3. You (or your spouse) is rarely at home.

Spouses who are not well connected, may spend little time together. They may miss family functions. They may be coming home late. They may be leaving for work early. They may spend lots of time at the fitness club. They may be having drinks with friends. 

But whatever the excuses may be, they are just not at home and with the family. This is a signal that their first priority is to be somewhere other than with the family, which is not a good indication for marital harmony.  

4. Conflict.

When spouses are constantly bickering and rarely agreeing, their values are not in line. If this is ongoing and arguments and conflicts perpetuate, the marriage may not be secure. 

Marriage, like most partnerships, requires shared values, goals and hopes. For example, co-pilots need to agree on the destination, otherwise the outcome can be disastrous.  

Marriages that succeed are based on communication, compromises and cooperation.  The absence of one or all three can be a sign that the marriage is unhealthy.  

5. Your children are suffering.

Children are much smarter than we give them credit for. They are aware of things that we think we have hidden from them. However, the truth is that children are extremely aware of the health of their parents’ marriage. They are aware of their parents’ conflict, disagreements and disharmony.  

If the children are not doing well, if they appear worried or anxious, if they are declining socially or academically, this could be a sign that family life is unhealthy. It is important to be aware of your own marital issues’ impact on the children. 

Unhappy parents create an unhappy home. In these cases, the children need their parents to make responsible choices and either repair the disharmony or end it. Although this is the most difficult decision a parent can make, it may be necessary for one or both parents to make that decision.  Your children deserve it.  

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