Top 5 Reasons To Not Date While Going Through A Divorce

The period between the day you decide to separate and the day that your divorce becomes official is a period of purgatory.  Your marriage is neither alive nor over.  Moreover, the process and outcome – legal, financial and psychological – will be compromised by a new relationship in that period of time.

5 reasons why dating while going through divorce is unwise

Here are the top reasons why you should not to date until after your divorce settlement is finalized.

1. The failure of a marriage is cause for introspection

You need to first address your emotional situation as a separated spouse before you can become part of another romantic relationship. Divorce is an opportunity for you to better understand yourself, what makes you tick, what type of person you are and what type of person you want to be to others, such as your children, your family, your friends and your new partner. Such self-reflection is critical. 

Rushing into a new relationship before you have reflected on your role in the break-up of your marriage is a lost opportunity for personal growth. Moreover, your next relationship will be compromised by this omission.  To put it another way, your next relationship will be much stronger, healthier and authentic once you have allowed yourself time to take stock of your emotional inventory.  

2. At the time of separation, your children need your undivided attention

Divorce is a social trauma for the entire family, especially for your children. They too are acclimatizing to the new normal. They are attempting to understand how to relate to their parents – as two separate individuals as opposed to one unit. 

Your children will now need more of your time and attention than ever before. Sharing that time with a new partner will negatively impact your children’s relationship with you. 

Wait until your children have had time to adjust to the new reality before introducing them to a new partner.  By waiting it out, you are also doing a favour to your new partner.   

3. Dating a new person will affect your ability to negotiate a parenting plan.

Settling custody and access is hard enough. Trying to do it while having to respond to questions or allegations regarding your new partner will only complicate things. 

Even if your new partner is kind, gentle and excellent with your children, your ex-spouse will probably not take kindly to their presence in your children’s life. If you are trying to maximize your settlement position, don’t introduce a new partner into the mix until your entire case is resolved.  

4. Dating during divorce will affect spousal support.

If you are financially supporting ex-partner, your they will immediately think that you have extra funds to spend on your new partner and therefore you are not paying enough support. 

If you are the one receiving financial support, your ex-spouse will claim that support should be less, or short-lived, because you have moved on and entered into a new relationship. Either way, dating negatively impacts a settlement of spousal support.  

Also, if you are aiming to settle for a lump sum of spousal support, dating will definitely cause your ex-spouse to decline this option. In his or her mind, paying monthly spousal support will be far better because he or she can have it terminated once you start living together with your new partner.  Dating during divorce will kill any hopes of a lump sum spousal support settlement.  

5. Dating during divorce will damage your ability to settle amicably. 

It doesn’t even matter that your new relationship is serious or casual, your ex-spouse will likely be infuriated with the fact that you have started a new relationship. This is especially true if you were the first one to date.  This, in turn, will make negotiating with your ex-spouse much harder (aka more costly).

If after reading this, you are still inclined to begin a new relationship before you have wrapped up your divorce, then at least consider not making it public.

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