20 preparation steps to a healthy divorce: Part 1 of 4

We have all grown up with the adage, ‘…and they lived happily ever after.’ And so, divorce preparation or separation is never on the agenda when we marry. Couples grow apart due to several strains on the marriage including the death of a loved one, financial troubles, infidelity and now, the struggle with the pandemic and its subsequent lockdowns. SplitEasy, providers of the innovative online divorce tool to prepare complex divorce forms, outlines five steps for a healthy divorce process.

Make sure it’s final

There is nothing worse than regret and this is true with divorce too. If you are still confused or in two minds, you are not ready to end the marriage just yet. Instead, give your relationship another chance by contacting a couples’ counsellor, organising date nights, and trying to communicate openly to see if you can make it work. However, after these steps, if there is still no hope or improvement, it is time to move on.

Don’t use the ‘D’ word lightly or as an ultimatum

All couples fight and bicker during the course of their relationships. However, using divorce as emotional blackmail or as a condition never works and will usually exacerbate the situation. It is important to remember that divorce is not a trivial issue and must never be used to ‘win’ a fight.

Don’t agonize over how divorce will affect your children

Do not feel obligated to stay in a loveless or abusive marriage for the sake of your children. Children are very intuitive beings and living with parents who constantly fight can have an adverse effect on their mental and physical well-being. It may seem strange, but children from happy single parent homes are usually happier than those from homes with two parents who dislike each other.

Be a team

In the days preceding a divorce, one of the toughest phases is when you break the news to the children. At this time, it is essential that you and your soon to be ex-spouse rally together as one unit to alleviate any fears the children may have. Always reassure them that no matter what the relationship between you and the ex, the children will always come first and be loved just as they are currently. Thus, it is imperative that you remain one strong parental unit despite not seeing eye to eye on several other issues.

Include the kids

This is key: it is essential to include children in the transition process. Their little world is changing drastically, and they need to feel like they have a semblance of control over it. Make them feel united with each other and the family through this tumultuous time. A popular strategy used by newly divorced parents is to include the kids in the shopping and setting up of new homes that one parent may move into. This makes the children feel like they are beginning a whole new life with a lot to look forward to.

Thus, divorce is a stressful and unsettling time for couples as well as the family. But using the right strategies and coping mechanisms can prevent any negative effects or regrets. It is also important to remember that not all relationships and marriages are meant to last. A divorce is not the end of the world and instead, it can be a stepping stone to a happier, healthier time in your life. For more information on divorce forms and preparation in Canada, contact SplitEasy today!