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Post-divorce parenting: Be a DELICATE parent

Post-divorce parenting: Be a DELICATE parent

Separation and divorce causes uncertainty, insecurity and confusion to all parents. There is no magical formula to help parents help children manage the changes caused by divorce. But, by being a DELICATE parent, post-divorce parenting can be positive and even provide great life lessons to children to manage change.: 

What it means to be a DELICATE parent 


Point out to your children that the changes that divorce has caused will quickly decrease and that "things will get easier soon.”


Children are less likely to be frustrated and stressed if they know what to expect next. Give them simple and early messages of what will happen next.


Tell your children that this change is a learning opportunity for everyone and that "we will all try to learn how to adjust to these changes together." Remind your children that the only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how we use it.


Teach your children to regard separation not as a mark of failure, but as part of the journey of life that is unfinished.

C is for CAUSE 

Along the way, mistakes will happen. Cause, also called fault and blame, do not help anyone manage change.  Rather than trying to affix blame for its cause, look for ways to manage and adjust to the changes.

Life will always deliver changes and we will all need to adjust. Sometimes we will make mistakes.  The inevitability of mistakes is why erasers were invented. That is why a pencil has two ends - one to write and one to erase mistakes.


Teach your children that you will do the best you can to handle the changes well, but that you will make mistakes. Make sure your children know that mistakes are, by nature, accidents, and that making one does not mean that anyone is “bad.”


Encourage your children to view these changes as temporary and accept that "things will get easier soon.”

E is for EFFORT 

Remind your children that when you make a mistake, they can try to look at it as proof of trying, not as proof of failing to try. Remind them that Michael Jordan missed 63 percent of the baskets he attempted during his basketball career. Babe Ruth struck out more than 1,300 times. Thomas Edison tried 611 different materials before discovering that tungsten makes the best filament for a light bulb.

By being a DELICATE parent and applying these 8 concepts, you can reduce the impact of separation and divorce on your children.

Sometimes post-divorce parenting gets so challenging because of the ill-feelings caused by an acrimonious divorce process.
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