Divorce for men - 4 things you should know

Not many people realize that divorce can often take a heavier toll on men than on their former partners. Men are just as capable of forming attachments - and thus feeling the pain of breaking these attachments - as women are. Unlike women, they may have greater difficulty processing their emotions or expressing their feelings to others as they work through the divorce. Although divorce is painful for both parties, men need a few pieces of specific advice to help them process and heal from the separation. Here are four key points on divorce for men.

It’s okay to admit that sometimes you’re not going to be able to cope

Men have a tough time admitting when they are not coping with life’s difficulties, especially where their emotions are concerned. Start by accepting that divorce is hard, and that there will be days when you will not be able to cope. You could go for weeks thinking you have everything handled: you’re taking care of business, the paperwork is getting done, you are managing your daily routine and you don’t have time to think about what you feel. Then, one day, seemingly out of nowhere, it can hit you. You could find yourself missing your ex or feeling intense anger towards them, or perhaps you just feel depressed and can’t face the day. Binge-watching your favourite show, eating junk food and switching your phone off seem to be the only courses of action that make sense. This is totally normal, and you need to understand that it is okay to go through these moments. Allow them to come and go, accept what you’re feeling, and work through them as best you can. If you want to hibernate for a few days, you can; if you want to reach out to a friend or family member for some advice or distraction, that’s okay too.

Don’t get hung up on what you’re “supposed to feel”

Everyone around you, from your colleagues, family and friends, to counsellors and self-help gurus, will have ideas about what you should be feeling at any given point during your divorce. While their ideas and advice are not without merit, and usually come from a good place, nobody has the right to determine how you should feel and how you deal with this difficult time. What you feel is what you feel, and you have a right to accept that and deal with it as best you can. 

It’s okay to ask for help from your friends and family

Strength and independence are upheld in our society as desirable masculine attributes, and there is certainly something to be said for resilience and stoicism. However, there will be times when you feel the need to reach out - whether it is for some kind of practical help or advice or just a sympathetic ear. There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable - especially with someone you know and trust. If this is something you have always struggled with, you need to give yourself permission to ask for help when you need it. You will be amazed at how much better you feel when you realize you are not alone.

Stop checking on your ex’s updates

This advice applies to both men and women and it is an important part of getting through the divorce and letting your ex go. Even if you have accepted the fact that your marriage is officially over, it can still be painful to see that your ex is moving on. Getting over the need to know what is happening in the life of your former spouse other can take time. One of the most important steps you can take in this direction is to avoid the urge to check up on them. Seeing pictures of them with a new flame, or reading news of an engagement or remarriage can take a heavy emotional toll, unless you really are over your ex. For this reason, at least while you are healing and processing, steer clear of your ex’s social media pages. 

Divorce is a difficult experience, but the process of getting divorced does not have to be. It can be smooth, civilized and guided by the law, rather than driven by emotion. Not only can you conclude your divorce without too much conflict and emotional turmoil, but you can also complete the divorce process quickly and efficiently, with the help of SplitEasy. Let SplitEasy ease the process by helping you complete all the divorce forms you need.  Contact us for more information or visit our website to order your forms.